trying not to give up on blogging

It's 12:17 am and Tod is camping with the kids at Red Rock and I can't sleep.

I sat down at the computer tonight to get Christmas cards ordered but kept thinking, I never write anymore.

My senses have dulled.  I'm not as sharp or as quick as I used to be.  I used to spit out a blog post every other day while my babies napped.  Now I'm lucky if I get a couple bills paid and my lunch 

inhaled while my (last) baby naps.  

Yesterday Ann Dee texted me that she hopes I'm writing memories down about Kristi.  Which I want to do but when?  Because at night when the kids are in bed, all I have energy for is usually an episode or two of SNL reruns.  

Fall has come and gone and suddenly this week our weather has gone from perfection to a little chilly.  Tod is a good dad to be in a tent right now, probably freezing with three kids, probably all on top of him.  

I want to remember how this year felt.  The good days and the hard days.  If I ever want to transport myself back to the last eight months I will need to listen to Tom Petty or Indigo Girls Pandora. All of the hours spent in the car driving to swim lessons, football practice, soccer, scouts, Kidshine, etc.. totally lost in my own thoughts and listening to music that made it feel like she was in the car next to me.

 I'll need to remember November 8th when I texted my sister in laws: "I'd bet my kids' lives on this election that Hilary Clinton will win." And how he first won Florida, then Ohio, and then the screen kept lighting up red and we stared with our mouths wide open in total shock.  

I'll need to remember how Lennon and Larry became so independent this year.  Waking themselves up each morning with an alarm clock, getting their own breakfast, dressing themselves and being ready for school before I'm even home from the gym.  How the other night Tod and I went to see a friend's house and when we got home, Lennon was doing the dishes and the kitchen was clean.

How our baby isn't a baby anymore but a sweet little boy.  Who kisses me 10 times minimum during one Costco trip. Says he's sorry pretty fast because time out isn't fun and he is all about fun.  And Halloween candy.  Which he can sniff out a mile away.

I'll want to remember Ruby who didn't want to go to bed the other night so when I laid her down and turned off the light she said, "Wow....and I was just starting to like you and now THIS."

And then Larry.  Who came home with a list of what he was thankful for.  

"I am thankful for the earth, my family, my house, my school, when kids include me, my friends and my aunt who died."

Don't forget St. George marathon where your knee hurt with each step but your best friend of 10 years was right next to you and that made it ok.

Don't forget Tod's high school reunion.  And don't go next time.

Always remember when Ruby broke her arm just to have Lennon break his thumb a couple weeks later.  I mean seriously.  SERIOUSLY.

Remember the night your kitchen was filled with people you love while Tod cracked open three HUGE lobsters and skinned (?) a sheepshead fish with a dull knife ON YOUR KITCHEN COUNTER but your heart wanted to burst with happiness.  Friends who are family laughing and eating and happy.

Don't forget that happiness and sadness can coexist and have this year.  Lots of both in 2016.

Thanksgiving is next week.  I am thankful we have the whole week off.  I am thankful to be alive and healthy with kids and a husband who are healthy.  I'm thankful to have happiness and peace in my life.  Thankful to have the best BEST friends, some near and some far away.  Thankful for extended family on both sides who love us.  Thankful my sister is finally, finally ok.

Most of all, I'm thankful I'm not camping tonight.